Are we exclusive??


My idea of a relationship had always been exclusive….. till tonight.

It was one of those days.. I just dint feel like working.  A nice sunny Friday in New York.  I kept feeling the need to go out.  Finally when I left office at 6 pm, I thought “I will finish all that pending work during the weekend; right?”

I reached home at 7pm.  I checked my phone for messages… I had forgotten my phone at home this morning and was curious to see who tried to reach me.. This was very important – it was a Friday and my plans depended on it!!

Abhi had called and so Valentine celebrationhad B.  Abhi is my cousin who lives a block away from me.  Usually I hang out with him and his wife on weekends (he recently got married).  We also often join his friends…I sort of got accepted in his group after I starting living in NY…. B is one of his friends.. .. now mine too..

I called Abhi…”We are going for dinner at Union Square.. do you want to go?”… I thought “What about the memo I have to get done?”…. I told Abhi… give me some time… I will call once I am done…

I sat down to get some work done…. albiet unsuccessfully.. I called Abhi after 1.5 hours to tell him I was on my way.

As I reached the place where everyone had gathered.. I did the customary hugs and took my place.  We had some interesting conversation going on over drinks..  relationships… and the dating game in USA!!

Cristy was describing a curious experience … of the time she lived in Florida …a while ago..

“You know.. I am tired of hanging out!! I want a serious relationship.. got any ideas?”  Dan asked.  “You should ask the girl… hey are we exclusive?”  Cristy replied

 I knew the dating game here was much different from what I had grown up to see in India.  Here people started a relationship with that very thing which was the destination of a relationship in India – SEX!! 

Early on I was explained the dating “process” here : You meet someone you find interesting, you “hang out” with that person…. you like it and start “dating” that person… about a couple of months down the line (the timing may vary on a case to case basis ;-)).. you “move in”… after a few years “living in” with each other… you “marry”… And the important part is – you may meet someone interesting in a party and make out (or cuddle or pet) with them and the process may begin from there…

This is very different from what I had grown up to believe was the “right” way to do things..  In India, we meet someone… sort of like them… maybe “go out” with them .. say a few months down the line you decide if you are “serious” about the relationship… if yes, you get “engaged” and officially go out… “marriage” is usually six months down the line… Sex is definitely after marriage!!

So not only was the time line different… the process was totally opposite… Many had asked me ….”how do you guys get married without sleeping with the person?”…. and I promptly retorted “how do you sleep with someone you are not married to?”  The concept was totally alien to me!!

Initially, I took offense to this question… only to realize.. THERE IS NO ABSOLUTE RIGHT….. its all about POINT OF VIEW…. Its which way you look that changes what you see!!  I had accepted this concept about 2 months after I moved here… …………I dint have to change myself and my sense of right and wrong.. but I could accept that it was not the only right way to do things…

But, here I was faced with “Are we exclusive?”  Now what exactly did Cristy mean when she said that? 

Apparantly, its the new trend…. We all live such fast paced lives.. its not fair to assume that someone will wait around for you.  So, you do not expect someone to wait for you.  So unless you declare to your lover (or person of choice) that you are “exclusively” dating them, that person has the freedom of choice to date as many people as they wish…  You could actually date more than one person at any given time and not be blamed for it… Unless you have the “Are we exclusive” conversation with the dude…

I like it…. very unselfish and open way of looking at relationships… totally clear and direct!! What say???

 

 

 

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Comments
8 Responses to “Are we exclusive??”
  1. shaaakspsyco says:

    More of these!

  2. B says:

    Soo..you were far more eloquent in your explaination of ‘Exclusive’ than we were 🙂 So yeah, are we exclusive is a vital question especially in a place like NYC where one can have many options to explore 😉

    • Soo says:

      haha… agreed B. Some bit of masala is totally necessary when blogging 😉 I do hope to get some more interesting lines from you for my blog 🙂

  3. Soo says:

    In response to the comments ( I got on FB)………….

    This write up is totally my personal view point and should not be taken as a generalization or attributable to any one person or society

  4. NJ says:

    Nice 1…Seems exactly like one of those Carrie Bradshaw columns….Just to add: If you study here from bachelors…the relationship approach would be quite similar 🙂

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