Trying to reboot

One of the most difficult things of being in NY is the fact that I am 9,000 miles away from home in Mumbai!! In this situation, it is not always possible to make a quick trip to India, and the idea of traveling alone to India on a 16 hour flight (at minimum) was daunting to me. I had thought of all things that could go wrong with me moving to US, when I had moved here a couple of years ago. But never had I imagined that it would bring a day when a loved family member would be so ill and pass away; and I would not be able to meet her – just because of the sheer distance and time in reaching her on time. I guess anyone who moves here from India has to accept that this event could be a possibility (although it seems remote to many).

Sitting on my couch, I am strill trying to come to terms with the fact that I am getting married tomorrow (US regd), in memory of my mother who passed away exactly 12 days before today. It is very hard to feel anything but deep-sated grief and anger at the injustice of her passing away the way she did, and I don’t know how else do I feel anything different.

I miss her so much today in particular, it just seems to be a day I cannot function. I wonder how it will be tomorrow when I say “I do” and get married.

I certainly hope, tomorrow will bring me some joy about starting a new life with someone  I love so deeply and trust completely. I hope I can remember my mom with just happy thoughts tomorrow, instead of mulling over the unfairness dealt by God to her.

I hope to have the strength to carry on with her wishes (and mine) in my wedding tomorrow!!

(I am not really sure I should pray anymore..  would you?)

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